The Callahan Clan

Of course we've been to the aquarium many times, that's the point of having a year pass. But this is the first time I can remember, which might mean that this really is the first time we've gone without other friends.
The point to me was that we do a lot of things in groups with our friends (my children's friends and their mommies who are also friends of mine). I could only think of one other time this year that I had done something with my kids, just us 3. And so I took them to the aquarium. We had a good time and we took as long as we wanted and they got along great! I love these two!

and of course these are the animals they want to take home after each trip there... maybe someday.

Embrie brought the penguin over to me and hugged it tight and said " I luf it!" I luf it!" Now you have to have a steel resolve not to give in and buy the stuffed animals when they are being that cute! But alas I held strong.

I just read a wonderful post made by a friend on her blog. It was about her desire for her daughters to know that their worth is much more than skin deep. It caused a flood of thought and feeling to rush me. And so I give my thoughts...

It is true that we are trained at a very young age to always be aware of our appearance and to use it as a way to decide whether or not we measure up in life. We live at a time where we as women have come a long way. But there is no doubt that the importance of the way a girl looks is still engraved in our minds at an early age. I first realized this shortly after my daughter was born. It took longer to get her ready for church than any of the rest of our family and she was a baby! It then occurred to me that I was afraid that other people would not think that she was cute if I didn't dress her up. Did I think that way when my son was born? No. I knew he was cute no matter how he was dressed and honestly rarely even combed his hair(this is true even now). This is a shocking thought coming from a mother to need other people's opinion on my daughters appearance. It is a bit shameful to admit, however, I quickly realized that she is adorable no matter what. She is definitely cute with her rat-nest hair in the morning and no matter what she is wearing. I have to train not only my daughter but myself to not worry about what she or I look like all of the time. Cuteness is so much more than appearance!

It isn't how we look that is the important thing. Trying to look nice is not a crime and I am not suggesting that we throw all our makeup in the garbage and wear only handmade clothing. But as my friend stated it sets an example to our daughters if we allow ourselves to go to the store without makeup on once in awhile. And I know the ladies in my neighborhood have seen me in my sweats on a weekly basis. And that is ok. She also mentioned: that what is the first thing a person compliments a little girl on? her hair? outfit? "oh she's so cute" ? Food for thought : do we, as mothers and fathers ,etc. compliment our daughters or other girls or women on things not related to looks often enough? Do we accept their talents in the things they are interested in? Do we even look for their other attributes?
I am thinking of my primary class and how the little girls eye's light up if you tell them that their dress is pretty. I wonder if they will understand the importance of paying them compliments on their personality traits. We recently did a lesson on talents and they were all so excited to share the things that they could do and the good things about being them.

And the thing is that some girls like clothing and makeup and hair and all of that and that is ok too. It doesn't necessarily mean they are superficial, insecure or high-maintenance. Perhaps it is the way the express their creativity. Wanting to look nice isn't a crime, we just need to believe that we are more than the way we look.

My friend also mentioned that although she tries to continually compliment them on other things and tell them and show them that the inside matters more than the outside her daughter recently came home sad, wishing she had the same hair cut and clothes as another girl. She wondered if there was any way to prevent little girls from the insecurities that we all feel all too often, and especially growing up. I don't know.

Another friend who has all boys commented on the post as well. How are we portraying the image of women and how they should be viewed and treated to our boys? He lives in this crazy world too. What views does he have of himself? Does he see his worth? I see things on tv and wonder if my son and daughter will see value beyond the way the opposite sex looks. It has to start not with the media but with my husband and me and our example to them.

I worried about my weight and body for the first time at age 8. I remember trying to change the way I walked to copy someone else who had a better walk. (really?) From there it just got worse. I got to the point that being me was not good enough. To skip over the undesirable details, these thoughts caused me to make decisions that if continued would result in completely deteriorating my health. And the sad thing is that I didn't care about that. I was so worried about what other people thought of me and whether or not they thought I was worth something that it overshadowed the thoughts of those who really loved me for me and the love that my Heavenly Father and Jesus felt for me. I didn't think that I had anything to offer in the way of personality, talent, smarts, or looks. I seriously believed that no one would love me for plain old me. I went all the way to hell and back looking for a better me. Luckily I was able to find the right path again. Some women never do. I was very blessed. It took a lot of help from the people I love and major miracles from the Lord.
(At no fault to my family, they were all very supportive of me. So what gives?)
I still struggle with my self worth. I live in a very trendy neighborhood where I look at the way the other women dress and still compare myself to them. This friend mentioned that she has felt insecure at times and I know that all of us have! We usually don't realize that the things we are worried about are often the things others are worried about. We aren't usually judging each other but judging ourselves against each other. Add motherhood to that and whether or not we are meeting our potential there and we can end up drowning in insecurity. But that is not where our Heavenly Father wants us to be. I didn't come go from hating myself to loving myself over night but little by little.
I often think about my insecurities growing up and hope with all of my heart that my daughter (or son) never have to feel that way. Maybe, however, we won't be able to spare our children of all insecurity. Maybe those are the things that keep us just a little bit humble and always seeking the Lord. As long as we aren't running from Him. He loves us no matter what. And so should we.